Our adoption FAQ's

When it comes to adoption, people have tons of questions.  Here are some commonly asked questions about our adoption as it is so much easier for us to type this out once than to individually answer every question via FB or email.

1.) Why are you adopting?  

I am sure this is a question that many people have thought or will ask us at some point during this journey because we can have children.  The simple and honest answer is that God has put the desire to adopt on our hearts.  And then there is the fact that there are currently over 157,000,000 orphans (157 million +!!!) in the world right now.  The greatest reason is this: "Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you."  James 1:27 (NLT)  We truly feel called to do more than just pray for the orphans; we feel led to bring some into our home as our children...to show them true love and give them an opportunity at life.  We feel called and we are stepping up and out to answer that call.

2.) Domestic or International?

As long as the desire has been on my heart (8 plus years), I have felt called to adopt internationally.  Before anyone chastises us for not adopting an American child, know that it is not because we don't care for them.  We truly do feel for all children orphaned and in foster care, but we cannot adopt them all.  We have to trust God and believe he knows exactly who our child/children are before we even start the process.  As of right now, we are not pursuing domestic adoption because it has not been laid on our hearts.  International adoption is currently where our heart is at, but that does not mean we won't ever adopt domestically.  

3.) What agency?

We researched a lot of agencies and definitely did some homework.  I read reviews on many agencies and there are a lot of really shady ones out there who take advantage of desirous couples who long for parenthood.  If you ever consider adopting, DO YOUR HOMEWORK!  In the end, I stumbled upon an agency who actually has an office about forty minutes from our house.  Through attending an informational meeting the day after finding them, reading reviews, knowing a fair bit about their affiliate agency, and truly connecting with one of the case workers, we figured this was the agency for us.  We decided to work with Dillon International based out of Tulsa, OK.  They partnered with Buckner Adoption and Maternity Services (based out of DFW) several years ago to be able to reach more children internationally.

4.) What country?

We are starting our adoption journey with China.  Honestly, Haiti is my/our first pick, but we do not qualify for it yet.  We both have to be 35 and married for 10 years before we can start the process to adopt from Haiti (sometimes you can get waivers for one thing, but they won't issue waivers for three...so we wait).  We had a list of countries to pick from through our agency so we sat down and began weeding them out.  Some of them were easy for us to weed out like Russia, South Korea, and Columbia.  Others were not as easy, but in the end, we felt the strongest draw to China.
***And yes, we are well aware that our child will not look like us.  We have begun to mentally and emotionally prepare to deal with stares, questions, rude comments and all that comes with being a multiracial family.  And a word to the wise, do not go up to multiracial family and ask if the kids are adopted...especially in front of the children.  Sure, you might be curious, but there's a good chance those (potential) adopted children have a lot of emotional scars and you are just one more person who has reminded them of their past.   

5.) Boy or girl?

Honestly, when one thinks of Chinese adoptions, they immediately think of little girls.  With China's one child per family policy, more girls have ended up in orphanages than boys, but that is beginning to change.  When we started the process, we envisioned life with a little Chinese girl, but soon learned that there are currently more boys available for adoption than girls.  That was a very strange thing for us to wrap our mind around.  Boys are available for adoption...in China...and in greater number than girls?  What the what?!?!  We had already started preparing our hearts for a girl and then this tidbit of info was passed on to us.  If we selected "girl" on the application, then there is a good chance we could be waiting a lot longer for a child as the "demand" is currently greater than the "supply."  So what did we do?  We selected both boy and girl as we know God already has our perfect child/children in mind.  We both envision a girl, but I have had two dreams of Jess holding the hand of a little Asian boy...so who knows (other than God).  We are open to either and trust the "perfect" child will find his or her way into our home.  (And yes, we are open to adopting siblings or twins, but that is rare in China.)  

6.) What age? 

We do not have a specific age in mind.  We do not want a child fresh out of the womb, but we are open to a child up to age five.  Dillon generally does not adopt out of birth order so there is a good chance we will not be placed with a child older than Courtlyn, however we think she has a personality that could handle older or younger.  Generally, the youngest children come home from China is around 18 months.  So for us, as long as it is not a brand-spanking-new, I eat every two hours, newborn; then we will be okay.

7.) How much does it cost?

I won't lie, adoption can be pricey, but so can giving birth to a child in an American hospital without good insurance.  An American birth typically ranges from around $9,500 (without any complications) to about $25,000 (c-section with complications) and that is just the delivery.  That doesn't cover the cost of the child's hospital stay.  In the case of an international adoption, it ranges by country.  The least expensive we have seen is around $14,000 and the most expensive is around $50,000.  For China, we are looking at costs being around $25,000 or more.  The costs cover adoption agency fees, legal fees, travel fees, orphanage costs and much more.  We are not "buying" a child, we are paying for services in order to legally bring a child into our home.  I know a lot of people have a hard time wrapping their mind around paying this much for a child, but when you do research on the costs of an American birth; then find out what all goes into the adoption process, (passports, bank wire transaction fees, translation costs, Dossier fees, home study fees, fingerprint costs, court costs, the aforementioned costs and on and on) you can see why it begins to get expensive.  And yes, we are fund raising (coffee sales https://justlovecoffee.com/about/beneficiary/pavlansky/, t-shirts sales coming soon and more) and accepting any and all donations via Paypal button on home page.

8.) What is their story?

This question will not arise until after we have been placed with a child, but this really isn't a question to ask an adoptive family.  Why, you ask?  Because this story is literally THEIR story.  This story belongs to the child and it is a story for them to tell when they are old enough to tell.  The more the story is told, the more they are defined by their past.  They don't want to be known as the child who was abandoned or the child who was orphaned by HIV.  They don't want to be known as the child who was beaten and raped and neither would you if that was your story.  They want to be known as the child who was loved, the child who was chosen.  They want to be known by their infectious laugh, their amazing personality, or their amazing sense of style.  They want to be able to define who they are and how they are known; the more their story is told by us, the less that will happen.